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4 Simple ways to build your confidence

Updated: Apr 4, 2022

“When you lack confidence, you put a lid on your potential” – Angie Morgan brilliantly sums up why self-belief is so important in her book Spark: How to Lead Yourself and Others to Great Success. She goes to explain the power of positive thoughts, how they have a transformative effect on our lives and recommends daily personal pep talks and meditation in her book – make sure you read it.

Whether it’s going to do something you’ve never done before, that promotion, or having the courage to write your book or launch an event – much like me finally writing my blog. Believing in yourself plays a huge role in having the ability to do it.

A lot of people I speak to always compliment me and say, “you’re so confident; how do you do it?” and to be honest, from my point of view there is no right answer. Building confidence is a process. However, below, I’ve listed four tips that I have used to further boost my confidence. There’s no one shoe fits all when it comes to these things, I do hope that even one tip can help you.

1. Make eye contact

Early on in my career, I attended a presentation course and one thing they mentioned that’s always stuck with me – in order to improve how you deliver any kind of speech, you need to maintain eye contact. This can be extremely difficult when you don’t feel confident right? But, holding eye contact with others is the biggest signal of mental strength that you can give. On the other hand, eye contact could mean that you come across as intimidating or rude.

So how do you manage that? As a general rule direct eye contact should range between 30-60% - more when you are talking and less when you are listening.

Have you noticed when a speaker is actively seeking eye contact with you (the person in the audience) you judge them to be more believable, competent and CONFIDENT!

2. Wear something that makes you feel powerful

You’ve heard the quote “dress how you want to be addressed.” Like it or not, how you dress has a huge effect on how people see you.

Does anyone remember wearing princess dresses when they were young? Or dressing as a superhero? You believed you were just like those characters, that you could do anything, right. Well, that still works even when you are a grown up.

The way we dress also affects how we look at ourselves. It is important to choose clothing that reflects who you are and the image you want to project, if that means spending more time shopping and getting ready in the morning, so be it.

3. Fake it till you become it

It’s no longer about faking it till you make it, because what if you never do… it’s all about becoming. Once you become it, you’re more likely to excel.

“Our bodies change our minds, our minds change our behaviour, and our behaviour changes your outcome” – Amy Cudd. I’ve listened a lot to Amy’s videos and I highly recommend that you watch her video on YouTube: Your body language shapes who you are. The video summarises a number of body language strategies one can use to boost their confidence, but what stuck to me in the whole talk was her statement fake it till you become it. If you keep doing something over and over again you become it and internalise it and ultimately believe in yourself.

So, with that, do it enough, whatever it is you’re aiming to achieve, until you become it.

4. Say no

Something I’ve learnt along the way is that confident people know how to say no because they know what they are capable of, want to avoid stress and burnout. I used to be the yes girl, yes this, yes that… and now that I have learnt the importance of saying no and l exercise it a lot more now.

Saying no is very healthy. When I look at my role models and when they say no, they have a lot of self-esteem and they make their no’s clear - they’re not timid in their delivery. When it’s time to say no, avoid phrases such as “I’m not certain” or “I don’t think I can.” Say it with confidence because you’ll avoid making commitments that you cannot honour or successfully fulfil.

Now, to bring everything together

Confidence is a combination of a number of factors, and it is a very subjective topic. Your confidence is your own to undermine or to develop. It’s based on reality. It’s the unwavering knowledge that goes beyond simply “hoping for the best.” It ensures that you’ll get the job done—that’s the power of true confidence.

I’d love to know other tips and tricks that you use to boost your confidence in the comment section below!


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