They say show me your friends and I will tell you how successful you will be. What do your friends say about you?
(This picture does not represent the people I want to declutter, but rather my sisters. My best friends.)
In life we develop a few friendships. Some are close and fulfilling while there are some that you know deep down aren’t serving you anymore. Humans are social animals, we crave connections because it is important in forming and maintaining a sense of happiness in our lives. Some connections just aren’t meant to last.
The sad truth is that as people grow, they also grow apart. Perhaps you or they are heading in a different direction in terms of family or career life and you have developed different interests, values or mindset. The influences that we keep around us have the power to impact our lives in a huge way Holding onto a bad friendship can end up draining your energy or delay you in your success.
The notion of decluttering friends may seem harsh, but it is important to reflect on the value people bring to our lives. Control your life by creating a good friendship circle.
Types of friends
There are three main types that can help you identify your current friendships; bad connection, wanna-be good connection and real connections. You can evaluate your friendships and group them into these categories.
These are people that drain your energy. They tend to make you feel negative emotions on a regular basis. An example of this type of person is:
Someone who makes you feel guilty into spending time with them
You give a lot into that friendship with very or no effort back
There is no feeling of trust
They cannot keep a secret
Wanna-be good connections
These are tricky friendships. The friendship shows all the right signs of a great friendship; they are positive, encouraging, but it tends to be shallow. An example of this type of person is:
There is no real vulnerability that they show
You don’t share your troubles with them
They tend to tell you what you want to hear
You do a lot of fun things together, but you don’t truly feel like you know them
You know that they got your back. You know there is no judgement and you share your fears, joys, failures and delight in each other success in a genuine and supportive way. You know they will put you in your place when you go astray with the right intentions. They are that person that you call to save your life; if there is a problem, they are the first ones to be there and help you get through it.
Now the decluttering
1. Filter out the red and blue (bad and wanna-be) friendships
The idea is to distance yourself from these types of friends, so you create space for meaningful and genuine people. Think carefully about each person. There are other relationships that will leave us feeling lonely in the long run. Think about how they make you feel and see how they add value to your life. You can then choose to cut them off straight away or decide to say no to them more often
2. Spot the potential greens
While doing this, think of the traits that make a healthy friendship. The more you know, the more you will see it in other people. Obviously, this works both ways, you reflect back what you put out. Don’t be afraid to talk about big dilemmas with these people, in turn they will do the same with you developing a trusted bond
3.Put effort in the green friendships
The maintenance of a good friendship can be a difficult. Don’t dismiss a friendship because they moved have way around the world. The connection that you have is worth more than the time you spend with each other.
A genuine connection with someone who is equally invested in you will help you grow. You will see a massive difference in yourself and how you see the world by cutting out toxic relationship. I think the world can start using the words associate more than friend. On that note, never underestimate what a real friend can bring to the table.
Do you have other ways of evaluating your friendships? Let me know in the comment section.